 |
Photo by Katrina Nicole. |
People say that it's in your twenties that you really carve, create and tap into "who you really are" - over the last few weeks, I think I have begun this process of self-created happiness and utter peace within myself.
I wrote this last evening on my mobile's memo pad -
"This is going to sound so lame and self absorbed, but as I sit on this train home, instead of stressing over the lack of sleep and required tasks demanding the following day's time, I zen out and tap along to The Wombats' 'Jump Into the Fog', Lady Soverign's 'Love Me or Hate Me' and Tame Impala's 'Solitude Is Bliss', and realise, for the first time in quite a few years, I'm in a really good place, mentally, socially and spiritually. In a total cliche I almost feel like crying with relief at this mini epiphany for such a late time of night.
This has eventuated as a result of:
1) I'm meeting a handful of valuable and interesting people each week. I have friends in all the right places and god, I am so grateful that some brilliant souls are looking out for me, should I fall.
2) I'm starting to actually enjoy uni, and have bypassed the typical, pressurised stereotype of aiming for The Age's Spencer Street empire that is so often associated with a "prestigious" RMIT journalism degree. The course this year is so much more hands-on, more meaty than first year, and I am yet to feel the dread of bullshit assignments and thousand word essays, and it's halfway through week nine.
3) I'm slowly but steadily discovering my niches and playing with the puzzle of talents I can flex - with credit to my role as producer of The James, Nath and Stacey Show on JOY94.9, my involvement with www.barsandnightclubs.com.au, along with interesting uni subjects and self indulgence of guilty pleasures, such as music, television and spending time with people who accept and understand me for me.
I know I have a long way to go before I truly realise my potential in a career based in the media and performance industries, and while I am hungry to try everything and "do it all", I think I am okay with waiting it all out until the right time comes along.
4) I have stopped feeling guilty for other people's insecurities and bubbling issues that I may be at fault for - life is too short to lose sleep over miscommunications, squabbles, dramatic nights and days out and regretful words or actions.
My eternal style is a little bit quirky, sometimes witty and occasionally sarcastic with a big serve of loyalty, positive attitude and genuineness. While I care deeply about the goodwill and attitudes of those around me, I have accepted that time is precious and needs to be preserved with a great deal of whole heartedness."
To wrap this cloud nine feeling up in one sentence: I think this is the beginning of me finally feeling comfortable in my own skin.
