Fashion: it's all in the ethics.

It’s the debate that trumps all others in the fashionable style stakes; do you buy well made, quality garments as investment pieces, or do you buy cheap, inexpensive items that are trendy?

With the allure of the cheap, China made bargain that has managed to dominate our shopping centres and High Streets, it seems the days of the ethical Australian rag trade is slowly dwindling, and with the economic gap between rich and poor households growing bigger and bigger by the week, looking good seems to be a decision made on the weight of the wearer’s conscience. 

Is buying Australian made fashion ethically sound? Photo by Chooyutshing.

“At the moment, when the economy isn’t stable, people don’t like spending lots of money,” says Alice Edgeley, of Melbourne label, Edgeley Designs.

“There are some people who like to buy things that they know are made well, but a lot of people are not buying a lot at all, and if they do, they are buying things that are cheaper.”

For young emerging designers like Ms Edgeley, this is the current harsh reality of the fashion and retail worlds.

Having seen several major Australian companies, such as Fosters, Qantas, Bonds and Ford shift the majority of their factory work overseas, it’s astonishing that young designers and emerging Australian companies are feeling any form of optimism. 

“A lot of suppliers are shutting down, which means getting materials locally is harder,” says Ms Edgeley.

“Even if the economy does go further downhill, I think things that are one-off or really unique are going to be things people are willing to pay for.”

Despite the current doom and gloom, there are some major fast fashion Australian companies that are thriving every day at a Westfield near you, with young consumers as young as eight years-old decking themselves out in inexpensive, fashionable clothing stitched in the masses by poorly paid workers throughout Asia.*

Commonly known as sweatshops, many retail chains have invested in the preferred process of sending simple designs to foreign manufacturers and having hundreds of boxes of clothing made out of cheap versatile fabrics shipped back to our shores and into their stores.

From a business point of view, it’s an easy avenue to make huge profits by simply slapping on a price tag with a mark-up of up to three hundred per cent.

Ashleigh Becker, owner of local fashion label Ash MayBe, has studied the industry’s practices and believes major clothing companies have no choice but to source labour internationally.

“The difference in price is enormous; the total costs of locally manufactured garments would be approximately three times the price of overseas production.” says Ms Becker.

Having networked closely with a handful of major companies during the term of her studies, Ashleigh says success in today’s environment comes down purely to affordable prices.

“I think smart companies will thrive in the current climate, if they are willing to change, and adopt different strategies.

 A company such as Cotton On has barely been affected by the GFC (Global Financial Crisis), and are successful because they are cheap and fashionable.” explains the soon-to-graduate designer.

“Although they are far from ethical.”

Alice Edgeley agrees.

“It’s definitely cheaper to have garments made out of the country, but as I have only been in business for six months, I can’t afford to get heaps made in China. They usually have a minimum of one thousand garments, and almost everything made here is for the [Edgeley store] racks,”

“It’s a real juggling act, I don’t want to pay a lot of money to have my clothes made, but I also don’t want to barter or battle people to get their prices down when they’re making something good quality,” she explains.

When asked to comment on the manufacturing operations,Cotton On Group failed to respond to at the time of printing. Similarly, when asked to comment on the validity of their Australian made labels, a spokesperson from Supre stated the company “do not have the resources to respond to questions”.

Once upon a time, purchasing brand new clothes was a rarity. It was only when a family member was getting married or it was one’s birthday that a nice, neat lace dress or a smart suit was hand-made by the tailor down the road and boxed beautifully with a silk ribbon. Fast forward a few centuries and the majority of Australia’s working class purchase new clothes every month, but it is evident that the quality and life of the clothing is nowhere near as long and worthwhile as they used to be.

“My wares are hand-sewn and I often wonder if people or notice or not,” ponders Ms Edgeley.

 “Younger people especially, today, have never experienced that quality, that workmanship. It seems they can’t actually wrap their head around the idea, sadly it’s incomprehensible.”

For the future of ethical, Australian made clothing and wares, it is hard to predict whether a following will ensue as an alternative to today’s dominating chain wares that are readily available.

As a student, Ms Becker supports Australian made clothing, but simply cannot afford to buy them on a regular basis.

“As a student, they’re not really in my budget. If more brands stocked Australian made products, prices would be more competitive... it really comes down to marketing.” She says.

While the industrial revolution brought mass produced, European influenced fashion garments available to the public, as opposed to the rich and the wealthy; there is discussion as to whether the retail sector’s pricing standards have toppled itself in competition with the accessibility and ease of online shopping.

“At the end of the day, we all buy cheap t-shirts, but in recent times it seems to have bitten itself on the bottom” says Ms Edgeley.

While there are a small number of labels and online eco-stores producing and selling Australian made wares, it seems money overrides morale in the fashion world. Good or bad, there are pros and cons between buying Australian made clothing and supporting the international sweatshop industry; however it’s clear that the real power of fashion  lays with you: the individual.

*Poorly paid in comparison to the average annual Australian working wage. 

Silver Lining Crystal Clear for Flynn Family.

Where memories are made: John Flynn at home in Flynn Silver's Kyneton workshop.

‘From Kyneton to Dubai and through to the United Kingdom’ is not what one would think about a little silversmith business crafting in the heart of Victoria’s Macedon Ranges.

Yet, for John Flynn of the highly coveted Flynn Silver, there is nowhere he and his tight-knit family business would rather be.

“It’s a wonderful place; I like to think I’m the luckiest person in the world.” Flynn says.

From the moment I drove up the grand gravel drive, past a pond with dipping ducks and a miniature train rail circling it’s edges, I was greeted with two grand houses, sitting a mere hundred metres apart.  

 As I stepped foot out of the warmth of my little city hatchback and onto the cold luscious lawn, I felt a sense of great privilege and warmth to be welcomed by John and wife Anna Flynn’s country abode.

John and his brother Dan own and run the boutique business that was started by their father shortly after World War II, and since the gradual control of the reigns after the death of their father in 1978, it is clear both the brothers have carved creations that even the most acclaimed of artists would be impressed by.

“It wasn’t so much a [instant] take-on, it was a more gradual process,” Flynn said, of his father’s passing.

“As kids, we grew up in the workroom, so it was quite natural,” 

“In the early days it was a big learning curve. We made a lot of mistakes, but that’s the beauty of it [silver] - if you make a mistake, most of the time, you can melt it down,” Flynn explained.

“We were very critical of our early work – we were using the same stamp [as their father did] so we had to be careful of the quality we were producing.”

In a global world with short lived trends, it is that exact attention to detail and critiquing skill that has paved the way for a highly respected career of international success.

Flynn takes me into the brothers’ workshop, neatly hidden behind the grand, white 1950’s style house that centrepieces itself as the property’s showroom and the family home for Dan and his wife. 

We are accompanied on the short stroll from home to workshop by the adorable Reuben, Anna’s miniature chocolate brown poodle, who Flynn insists “Is really only a one-person type of dog,” but acts as a third worker on weekdays, keeping the duo company, for often, hours at a time.

Quiet company: adorable little Reuben.

As I wander around the tool cluttered workshop, Flynn explains the basic process of moulding silver, and points out a large, blue machine, a casting machine, used for drilling silver moulds at a high temperature, that is seemingly the key tool of their trade and the apple of their eyes.

“The majority of the furniture and tools in here were purchased by Dad,” Flynn says.

Silver moulds are made from Jeltrate, a quick drying gel commonly used in dentistry. 

 “The casting machine cost a lot of money in that period just after the war, but it was an investment for the business, but it’s that thing... once you get a good one it will cast well for years to come.”

Everything from medallions, brooches, sporting trophies and decorative ornaments, to gold prosthetic fingers have been produced by Flynn Silver.

“A local farmer had his finger cut off by a windmill, and we were asked to make him another one,” Flynn recalls of the unusual request.

When asked of the type and class of clients, Flynn is incredibly humble of the business’ achievements. 

Attention to detail: John Flynn perfects a silver medal.

Flynn Silver is internationally renowned for quality, having supplied designs to a handful of elite and prestigious organisations, with pieces in Buckingham Palace, the Vatican, many local and international churches and cathedrals, even supplying to corporate moguls such as Qantas, Ferrari, and BHP Billiton.

L: A polished piece ready for trophy assemble.

R: A painted piece prior to polishing.

Flynn Silver has also supplied medals to champion athletes in previous Commonwealth Games and is also the maker of “the Melbourne trophy” – the Formula 1 Grand Prix dish that drivers exuberantly raise in celebration each and every year in the highly publicised national sporting event.

“They [the winners] hold it up for...five seconds maybe, the publicity is very short-lived.”  Flynn says.

For a small, home based business in a small, Victorian country town, the scale of success by Flynn Silver is remarkable.

As brothers, it is clear John and Dan share a very dynamic, precious relationship.

“As you get older, you become wiser, and you develop a mutual appreciation of what each other does,” says Flynn. 

“We have regular discussions about a job, and I think that’s where the difference lays. Dan takes care of the creative side of things, while I’m more physical with the work.” 

 But surely living a few hundred metres apart and working together everyday hasn’t caused the odd explosive argument or two over the years?

“[Laughs] I am happy to say there have been no big spats,” chuckles Flynn at the suggestion of the partnership being a ‘perfect marriage'."

“We can work in comfortable silences for hours at a time.”
  
Just above the dusty casting machine, hangs two vintage photographs. 

One of Flynn and his brother Dan, with their mother, the other of Dan as a young boy with their father.
 

John stares longingly at the frame for several seconds, and it is at this point that that the appreciation this family holds for one another is crystal clear.

They say you can ‘pick your friends, but not your family’, but in this instance, it is obvious John and Dan Flynn have hit the silver and gold jackpot.

Country cool; Kyneton is one-of-a-kind, says John Flynn.

Country Escape

Last weekend a friend and I ventured to Bendigo - the heart of regional Victoria - for a friend's 21st birthday bash.

We stayed overnight in her family's country cottage in Maldon.

Before driving the distance back to Melbourne, we strolled through the town's High Street and basked in breaths of clean, fresh country air.

I just loved the French oak feel of the streets - quiet and visually scenic, it was a real treat for a change of pace on what would normally be a working Saturday.

Maldon Timber and Hardware - an antique take on the ideal of work.

High Street, Maldon.

A stop at Maldon Lolly Shoppe ensured sugar for the journey home.

Has Melbourne gone ga-ga for Zara?

Zara's opening this week in Melbourne has caused a flurry of ferocious fashionistas flocking to the new flagship site in the heart of Bourke Street Mall - but is the Spanish giant's fast fashion worth the fight?

Day #1 of business: Zara is warmly welcomed by Melbourne

European retailer Zara has this week hit heights of dizziness in the land fashion. The term 'globalisation' has been given a whole new meaning, with our city's most famous shopping strip seeing record numbers of women, men and children pounding the pavements in the last 72 hours, to experience the stylish giant herself.

Organisers went to extreme measures to ensure the zoo of Zara remained under control - trams travelling through the Mall were sectioned off with festival fences, and security stood at every inch of the store's radius, controlling crowds, counter clock in hands.

While the opening party went off with a celebrity filled bang, the party still continues in ridiculously high numbers.

I had no interest in elbowing my way past pushy parents with prams and stiletto-wearing sticks, but by day two I couldn't contain my curiosity, and found myself winding through the rope restricted black carpet.

While I am no stranger to the beauty and appeal of Zara's garments (almost every capital city visited during 2009's backpacking trip accounted for at least one day of shopping for clothes I couldn't afford,) the sheer volume of hormoes buzzing around the three story building was off-putting.

Shoppers push past to snatch some European style.

Black-clad staff members buzzed like bees to a hive, re-hanging blouses, sorting through tables of strewn jeans and organising accesory walls, while hungry shoppers crunched their credit cards all in the name of looking good.

There was no need to express selling skills here - customer service was au go-go, with register bells pining as navy paper bags were shoved with wares and perched proudly on arms.

As I made my way to the back of the store, the craziness increased, with a fitting room line so long, a wait on our healthcare's heart transplant list would be quicker... and I wasn't the only one thinking this - desperate girls got their fashion fixes in front of family, friends and mirrors, bypassing the privacy of the change rooms and stripping in the middle of the store.

Sure, Zara's presence in Australia is considerably history making - this is the first time such a large, highly adored leader in world wide fashion has opened it's doors on our shores...but with whispers that the store's current stock has been fast tracked from the reject racks of the chain's European outlets, as well as the company's spokespeople confirming that Australian designs will soon differ to that of the European market, I wonder, has the hype of Zara's arrival been a molehill turned into a mountain?

Australian consumers will no doubt be pleased to see a 'Made in Morocco' label as opposed to a 'Made in China' one, but the exotic appeal surely will wain when one glances down to see sticker slapped with an (increased) dollar price over the original printed tag.

Upon walking out of the crowd and back onto the street, across the road I noticed the flagship stores of retail giants Sportsgirl, Adidas, Diva and Jetty Surf were comparably quiet...

Highly hyped: Day #2 of business on Bourke Street Mall.

Zara's arrival in Melbourne and Sydney has certainly started with a strong stance, and I have no doubt will continue to thrive on the High Street, as well as online.

 However, I think the Spanish retailer's influence is, if anything, a sign of things to come for our troubled  and competitive retail economy. Consumer wise, choice is at an all time high, and I predict the future of our shopping centres and strips will soon allure other major, international retailers.

I may not have been pissing my pants to parade through the doors of Zara, but should UK retailer Topshop open a store or two? I'm so there, girlfriend.

Digital Set-Top Boxes; A Defect.

The Australian government has once again initiated another soon-to-be bungled scheme: ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the set-top box saga.

Following the release of the annual government Budget last month, Julia Gillard and her army of poisoning pollies confirmed that over $300 million dollars of tax-payer money will be spent on the installation and connection of digital set top boxes for Australian pensioners.


However, the scheme is proving to be nothing but an enormous waste of time with a matter of ‘too much dollars, not enough sense’ in the eyes of the Australian media.

Government supplied set-top boxes are proving to be unreliable.

 Photo by avlxyz

Melbourne’s Herald Sun yesterday reported many Mildura residents were experiencing deficiencies and technical issues with their supplied set-top boxes, with a lengthy list of complaints including unwatchable television, thanks to dodgy reception signals, software malfunctions and equipment breakdowns.

ABC news also recently reported the details of the rollout, with communications minister Stephen Conroy backing the scheme.

“Someone will come and install it and also instruct them in how to use it," he said.

Well, Mr. Conroy, that may be good and jolly, but how can our pensioning parents and grandparents benefit from a crash course in operating the botchy boxes if the digital equipment doesn’t work in a serenely efficient and reliable manner?

From these recent reports of backlash and dissatisfaction, it is clear that the Australian government has succeeded in stupidity. Again.

Bells of previous government disasters (the highly criticised Home Insulation scheme, anyone?) should be ringing in the ears and eyes of our leaders.

The sheer cost of the installing component of the scheme is enough to make one scream. If the costs were to be broken down, the payouts alone to the sub-contracting companies who carry out installation, on top of the cost of the actual boxes, is a complete joke and an utter waste of time.

If the Gillard government wanted to aim for efficiency and long-term success, then surely the supply of digital televisions themselves would have been a better answer to our technological era, instead of the band-aid solution that is currently being rolled out.

While Wayne Swan explained to Channel Nine “We don't want to leave those pensioners in the dark,” It is unfortunately clear that they already have been left in the dark.

Regional Australia has once again been whacked in the face, being left in the dark as government guinea pigs, without a functioning telly to keep them warm and informed each night.

Pressure: Tim Matheison to wed PM?

Following a broad interview with The Herald Sun, Tim Mathieson has revealed that he would one day “like to ask her” – ask Australia’s first female, unmarried and childless prime minister for her hand in marriage.

Newspaper and media outlets yesterday displayed dozens of headlines emblazoned across bulletins that the self-declared “First Bloke” is considering popping the question to Australia’s most powerful and most respected ranga.

In a surprisingly juxtaposing response to the day’s tabloids, during an interview last night with ABC, The Age reported that Ms. Gillard had “no present plans” to don a white dress and take that elusive trip down the aisle.

Wedding bells? Julia Gillard and partner Tim Mathieson

Screen photo from The Herald Sun website

But for what is possibly one of our nation’s most gruelling political high times for the Labor party, is former hairdresser Tim Mathieson starting to feel the pressure of not having a certified and lawfully approved hard copy of the love that forms their romantic relationship?

“There is no rock on the finger, so I think everybody can say we’re a happy couple and that’s a good thing,”

While it’s clear Gillard wears the pants in parliament, Mathieson has certainly proved in recent times his worthiness and value in the often-publicised relationship.

If you consider all the political jargon that Ms. Gillard deals with on a daily basis, such as the disastrous My Schools website, the baulking issue of Asylum Seekers along with the hell that currently plagues our country’s detention centres, the Australian public’s disapproval of the carbon tax scheme, and in the week just passed, the scrutiny that has followed Labor’s 2011 Budget – it’d be a wonder if Julia didn’t bring baggage home to The Lodge each night.

While the media can only try to spy behind the closed doors of the Prime Minister’s house, it is certain that from the paparazzi snapped pictures from various political events – think the Royal Wedding, various gala dinners and charity fundraiser balls – Mathieson has, so far, outstood the pressures of a very public relationship.

However, it is possible to concede that if Tim is thinking –and talking – about marriage so openly, we must think about popping the other question out there: is the pressure of dating a politically powerful, middle-aged atheist woman starting to mount upon Mathieson?

Only time will tell if wedding bells are to ring for every Australian working women’s dream de-facto couple.

Dancing With The Stars: Not So Dazzling At 11

Photo grab from Dancing With The Stars website.

Sunday night’s premiere of Dancing With The Stars debuted with a big bang – with Brynne Edelsten running the show of superficial sausages.

With a new host, a new judge and a new set of silly c-grade celebrities, season eleven of Channel Seven’s popular reality show has unfortunately, already proved to be the current rating season’s token winner.

Mediaspy.com reported a national audience of over 1.5 million. But of those 1.5 million watchers, I wonder who still takes the show’s entertainment values seriously?

As soon as Melbourne socialite Brynne Edelston stepped up on stage, the show’s monopoly value took a bittersweet spin, for the better. With her bouncy blonde hair, big bosoms and 67-year-old husband in tow, judges labeled her routine as a “bedazzled sack of potatoes”.

Now, while a little bit of constructive criticism isn’t bad, ratings or not, the catty comment made by new judge Josh Horner, I think, certainly supports her stance as an accepted airhead.

I mean, who is Brynne Edelston? What has she done to allow the media to validate her as a celebrity? (Well, enough of a celebrity to get an invitation to shimmy her derrière on Dancing With The Stars?)

Marrying Medical entrepreneur and overall old man Geoffrey Edelston was a good start, sure. So was rocking up to 2009’s Brownlow Medal wearing nothing but a sheer, long lined shirt and protruding push-up bra doused with silver diamanté’s. But, apart from that, there really isn’t much else, besides being a tabloid trend for marrying a man 40 years her senior.

The Herald Sun reported that during Sunday night’s telecast, dimwitted Green Room interviewer, Sonia Kruger, regretted the comedic comment that implied the marriage was akin to a father-daughter relationship.

Regretted the comment that set social networking site Twitter into overdrive with a flurry of outraged hash tags in Edelsten’s defence.

Regretted what most of Melbourne – and Australia – was thinking.

“Good to see you have a good relationship with your dad,” she quipped.

Stupid Sonia spoke accidental words – and ratings – of gold.

The “bedazzled sack of potatoes” has finally been dished up what she deserves; a slap on the wrist for being a gold digging, media mole with no real accreditation or known work ethic, and a newly provided vote of sympathy from online Tweeters, who, put simply, cannot see that Seven’s primetime hit is now a waste of broadcasted space and an embarrassment to what was previously, quality Sunday night television.

Is Pippa Middleton Basking In The Calm Before Her Own Storm?

Photo by www.chicagofabulousblog.com

While the world drooled over the aptly named “Her Royal Hotness” during last Friday night’s billion-watched royal wedding of the century, it’s clear that Pippa Middleton is in a class of her own – a class that subtly has the power to turn heads.

The self-created socialite and top town party planner, Middleton positively beamed as she carried Sister Kate’s train down the conservative aisles of Westminister Abbey in London last week. There are no doubts that this youthful 27-year-old woman looked every bit the babe in that sexy, Sarah Burton for Alexander McQueen designed, finely fitted frock. But while she subtly swanned behind the silhouette of her Duchess-to-be sister, it was clear that Miss Middleton almost stole the show away from her own sister’s royal wedding to Prince William Windsor.

Graceful, courteous and subtly demure, Middleton eluded that new world, understated chic-ness as she smiled and waved with the child bridesmaids. Aside from that might-cream-my-jeans dress, the lightheartedness and playful smiles that wafted from the Royals Royce car alone clearly had media, men –and women – in almost every nation, of almost every continent, ticking another box on the admiralty list of lust.

Australian online news sites, along with The Daily Mail this week described the mini Middleton as “a party girl at heart,” who “likes to have fun.” Well, high diddly-do, don’t we all? But the British tabloid also noted Her Royal Hotness’s ranking as Tatler Magazine’s number one ‘Society Singleton’ of 2008, knocking off famous screen sirens, singers and even the Royal family’s Princess Beatrice – ouch. Along with the not-so secret snickers about that hat, I wonder if the Royal Wedding’s reception contained any awkward greetings and subtle snobby put downs behind the glasses of champagne?

Of course not! This is Pippa Middleton were talking about, the girl that every woman craves to be – gorgeous, wealthy, polite and smokin’ hot - The girl that has her own ‘Ass appreciation society’ page on Facebook, and has her own trending hashtag floating around in the online Twitterverse.

Despite recent rumors and paparazzi snapped pics suggesting Ms. Middleton is engaged to London stockbroker Alex Loudon, I have no doubts that Pippa Middleton will, in the coming months, manage to rocket herself into more trash-bag mag lists and ultimately, carve herself into an empire bigger than the one her sister has married into.

Excessive Word Focus: Lord Mayor Loves Community

On Thursday, April 16, I attended and documented the historic launch of digital community radio, at Melbourne's Federation Square. 

As apart of a University assignment, I interviewed a handful of people from various community radio stations. I was fortunate enough to snub a few minutes with Melbourne Lord Mayor Robert Doyle, who was a guest speaker at the event and initiated the official 'switch on'. 

After playing back my gathered audio,  I noticed a reoccurring trend during my interview with LM Doyle - he seemed to be quite fond of the word 'community'.

In the space of 1:10, I counted 14 times! Take a listen of my (original, unedited) interview below for yourself, and see how many times you notice 'community' being used....

Community Community Community Community Community Community Community Community Community Community Community Community Community Community

At last...inner peace?

Photo by Katrina Nicole.

People say that it's in your twenties that you really carve, create and tap into "who you really are" - over the last few weeks, I think I have begun this process of self-created happiness and utter peace within myself.

I wrote this last evening on my mobile's memo pad -

"This is going to sound so lame and self absorbed, but as I sit on this train home, instead of stressing over the lack of sleep and required tasks demanding the following day's time, I zen out and tap along to The Wombats' 'Jump Into the Fog', Lady Soverign's 'Love Me or Hate Me' and Tame Impala's 'Solitude Is Bliss', and realise, for the first time in quite a few years, I'm in a really good place, mentally, socially and spiritually. In a total cliche I almost feel like crying with relief at this mini epiphany for such a late time of night. 

This has eventuated as a result of:

1) I'm meeting a handful of valuable and interesting people each week. I have friends in all the right places and  god, I am so grateful that some brilliant souls are looking out for me, should I fall. 

2) I'm starting to actually enjoy uni, and have bypassed the typical, pressurised stereotype of aiming for The Age's Spencer Street empire that is so often associated with a "prestigious" RMIT journalism degree. The course this year is so much more hands-on, more meaty than first year, and I am yet to feel the dread of  bullshit assignments and thousand word essays, and it's halfway through week nine.

3) I'm slowly but steadily discovering my niches and playing with the puzzle of talents I can flex - with credit to my role as producer of The James, Nath and Stacey Show on JOY94.9, my involvement with www.barsandnightclubs.com.au, along with interesting uni subjects and self indulgence of guilty pleasures, such as music, television and spending time with people who accept and understand me for me. 

I know I have a long way to go before I truly realise my potential in a career based in the media and performance industries, and while I am hungry to try everything and "do it all", I think I am okay with waiting it all out until the right time comes along. 

4) I have stopped feeling guilty for other people's insecurities and bubbling issues that I may be at fault for - life is too short to lose sleep over miscommunications, squabbles, dramatic nights and days out and regretful words or actions.

My eternal style is a little bit quirky, sometimes witty and occasionally sarcastic with a big serve of loyalty, positive attitude and genuineness. While I care deeply about the goodwill and attitudes of those around me, I have accepted that time is precious and needs to be preserved with a great deal of whole heartedness."

To wrap this cloud nine feeling up in one sentence:  I think this is the beginning of me finally feeling comfortable in my own skin.