Digital Set-Top Boxes; A Defect.

The Australian government has once again initiated another soon-to-be bungled scheme: ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the set-top box saga.

Following the release of the annual government Budget last month, Julia Gillard and her army of poisoning pollies confirmed that over $300 million dollars of tax-payer money will be spent on the installation and connection of digital set top boxes for Australian pensioners.


However, the scheme is proving to be nothing but an enormous waste of time with a matter of ‘too much dollars, not enough sense’ in the eyes of the Australian media.

Government supplied set-top boxes are proving to be unreliable.

 Photo by avlxyz

Melbourne’s Herald Sun yesterday reported many Mildura residents were experiencing deficiencies and technical issues with their supplied set-top boxes, with a lengthy list of complaints including unwatchable television, thanks to dodgy reception signals, software malfunctions and equipment breakdowns.

ABC news also recently reported the details of the rollout, with communications minister Stephen Conroy backing the scheme.

“Someone will come and install it and also instruct them in how to use it," he said.

Well, Mr. Conroy, that may be good and jolly, but how can our pensioning parents and grandparents benefit from a crash course in operating the botchy boxes if the digital equipment doesn’t work in a serenely efficient and reliable manner?

From these recent reports of backlash and dissatisfaction, it is clear that the Australian government has succeeded in stupidity. Again.

Bells of previous government disasters (the highly criticised Home Insulation scheme, anyone?) should be ringing in the ears and eyes of our leaders.

The sheer cost of the installing component of the scheme is enough to make one scream. If the costs were to be broken down, the payouts alone to the sub-contracting companies who carry out installation, on top of the cost of the actual boxes, is a complete joke and an utter waste of time.

If the Gillard government wanted to aim for efficiency and long-term success, then surely the supply of digital televisions themselves would have been a better answer to our technological era, instead of the band-aid solution that is currently being rolled out.

While Wayne Swan explained to Channel Nine “We don't want to leave those pensioners in the dark,” It is unfortunately clear that they already have been left in the dark.

Regional Australia has once again been whacked in the face, being left in the dark as government guinea pigs, without a functioning telly to keep them warm and informed each night.

Pressure: Tim Matheison to wed PM?

Following a broad interview with The Herald Sun, Tim Mathieson has revealed that he would one day “like to ask her” – ask Australia’s first female, unmarried and childless prime minister for her hand in marriage.

Newspaper and media outlets yesterday displayed dozens of headlines emblazoned across bulletins that the self-declared “First Bloke” is considering popping the question to Australia’s most powerful and most respected ranga.

In a surprisingly juxtaposing response to the day’s tabloids, during an interview last night with ABC, The Age reported that Ms. Gillard had “no present plans” to don a white dress and take that elusive trip down the aisle.

Wedding bells? Julia Gillard and partner Tim Mathieson

Screen photo from The Herald Sun website

But for what is possibly one of our nation’s most gruelling political high times for the Labor party, is former hairdresser Tim Mathieson starting to feel the pressure of not having a certified and lawfully approved hard copy of the love that forms their romantic relationship?

“There is no rock on the finger, so I think everybody can say we’re a happy couple and that’s a good thing,”

While it’s clear Gillard wears the pants in parliament, Mathieson has certainly proved in recent times his worthiness and value in the often-publicised relationship.

If you consider all the political jargon that Ms. Gillard deals with on a daily basis, such as the disastrous My Schools website, the baulking issue of Asylum Seekers along with the hell that currently plagues our country’s detention centres, the Australian public’s disapproval of the carbon tax scheme, and in the week just passed, the scrutiny that has followed Labor’s 2011 Budget – it’d be a wonder if Julia didn’t bring baggage home to The Lodge each night.

While the media can only try to spy behind the closed doors of the Prime Minister’s house, it is certain that from the paparazzi snapped pictures from various political events – think the Royal Wedding, various gala dinners and charity fundraiser balls – Mathieson has, so far, outstood the pressures of a very public relationship.

However, it is possible to concede that if Tim is thinking –and talking – about marriage so openly, we must think about popping the other question out there: is the pressure of dating a politically powerful, middle-aged atheist woman starting to mount upon Mathieson?

Only time will tell if wedding bells are to ring for every Australian working women’s dream de-facto couple.

Dancing With The Stars: Not So Dazzling At 11

Photo grab from Dancing With The Stars website.

Sunday night’s premiere of Dancing With The Stars debuted with a big bang – with Brynne Edelsten running the show of superficial sausages.

With a new host, a new judge and a new set of silly c-grade celebrities, season eleven of Channel Seven’s popular reality show has unfortunately, already proved to be the current rating season’s token winner.

Mediaspy.com reported a national audience of over 1.5 million. But of those 1.5 million watchers, I wonder who still takes the show’s entertainment values seriously?

As soon as Melbourne socialite Brynne Edelston stepped up on stage, the show’s monopoly value took a bittersweet spin, for the better. With her bouncy blonde hair, big bosoms and 67-year-old husband in tow, judges labeled her routine as a “bedazzled sack of potatoes”.

Now, while a little bit of constructive criticism isn’t bad, ratings or not, the catty comment made by new judge Josh Horner, I think, certainly supports her stance as an accepted airhead.

I mean, who is Brynne Edelston? What has she done to allow the media to validate her as a celebrity? (Well, enough of a celebrity to get an invitation to shimmy her derrière on Dancing With The Stars?)

Marrying Medical entrepreneur and overall old man Geoffrey Edelston was a good start, sure. So was rocking up to 2009’s Brownlow Medal wearing nothing but a sheer, long lined shirt and protruding push-up bra doused with silver diamanté’s. But, apart from that, there really isn’t much else, besides being a tabloid trend for marrying a man 40 years her senior.

The Herald Sun reported that during Sunday night’s telecast, dimwitted Green Room interviewer, Sonia Kruger, regretted the comedic comment that implied the marriage was akin to a father-daughter relationship.

Regretted the comment that set social networking site Twitter into overdrive with a flurry of outraged hash tags in Edelsten’s defence.

Regretted what most of Melbourne – and Australia – was thinking.

“Good to see you have a good relationship with your dad,” she quipped.

Stupid Sonia spoke accidental words – and ratings – of gold.

The “bedazzled sack of potatoes” has finally been dished up what she deserves; a slap on the wrist for being a gold digging, media mole with no real accreditation or known work ethic, and a newly provided vote of sympathy from online Tweeters, who, put simply, cannot see that Seven’s primetime hit is now a waste of broadcasted space and an embarrassment to what was previously, quality Sunday night television.

Is Pippa Middleton Basking In The Calm Before Her Own Storm?

Photo by www.chicagofabulousblog.com

While the world drooled over the aptly named “Her Royal Hotness” during last Friday night’s billion-watched royal wedding of the century, it’s clear that Pippa Middleton is in a class of her own – a class that subtly has the power to turn heads.

The self-created socialite and top town party planner, Middleton positively beamed as she carried Sister Kate’s train down the conservative aisles of Westminister Abbey in London last week. There are no doubts that this youthful 27-year-old woman looked every bit the babe in that sexy, Sarah Burton for Alexander McQueen designed, finely fitted frock. But while she subtly swanned behind the silhouette of her Duchess-to-be sister, it was clear that Miss Middleton almost stole the show away from her own sister’s royal wedding to Prince William Windsor.

Graceful, courteous and subtly demure, Middleton eluded that new world, understated chic-ness as she smiled and waved with the child bridesmaids. Aside from that might-cream-my-jeans dress, the lightheartedness and playful smiles that wafted from the Royals Royce car alone clearly had media, men –and women – in almost every nation, of almost every continent, ticking another box on the admiralty list of lust.

Australian online news sites, along with The Daily Mail this week described the mini Middleton as “a party girl at heart,” who “likes to have fun.” Well, high diddly-do, don’t we all? But the British tabloid also noted Her Royal Hotness’s ranking as Tatler Magazine’s number one ‘Society Singleton’ of 2008, knocking off famous screen sirens, singers and even the Royal family’s Princess Beatrice – ouch. Along with the not-so secret snickers about that hat, I wonder if the Royal Wedding’s reception contained any awkward greetings and subtle snobby put downs behind the glasses of champagne?

Of course not! This is Pippa Middleton were talking about, the girl that every woman craves to be – gorgeous, wealthy, polite and smokin’ hot - The girl that has her own ‘Ass appreciation society’ page on Facebook, and has her own trending hashtag floating around in the online Twitterverse.

Despite recent rumors and paparazzi snapped pics suggesting Ms. Middleton is engaged to London stockbroker Alex Loudon, I have no doubts that Pippa Middleton will, in the coming months, manage to rocket herself into more trash-bag mag lists and ultimately, carve herself into an empire bigger than the one her sister has married into.

Excessive Word Focus: Lord Mayor Loves Community

On Thursday, April 16, I attended and documented the historic launch of digital community radio, at Melbourne's Federation Square. 

As apart of a University assignment, I interviewed a handful of people from various community radio stations. I was fortunate enough to snub a few minutes with Melbourne Lord Mayor Robert Doyle, who was a guest speaker at the event and initiated the official 'switch on'. 

After playing back my gathered audio,  I noticed a reoccurring trend during my interview with LM Doyle - he seemed to be quite fond of the word 'community'.

In the space of 1:10, I counted 14 times! Take a listen of my (original, unedited) interview below for yourself, and see how many times you notice 'community' being used....

Community Community Community Community Community Community Community Community Community Community Community Community Community Community

At last...inner peace?

Photo by Katrina Nicole.

People say that it's in your twenties that you really carve, create and tap into "who you really are" - over the last few weeks, I think I have begun this process of self-created happiness and utter peace within myself.

I wrote this last evening on my mobile's memo pad -

"This is going to sound so lame and self absorbed, but as I sit on this train home, instead of stressing over the lack of sleep and required tasks demanding the following day's time, I zen out and tap along to The Wombats' 'Jump Into the Fog', Lady Soverign's 'Love Me or Hate Me' and Tame Impala's 'Solitude Is Bliss', and realise, for the first time in quite a few years, I'm in a really good place, mentally, socially and spiritually. In a total cliche I almost feel like crying with relief at this mini epiphany for such a late time of night. 

This has eventuated as a result of:

1) I'm meeting a handful of valuable and interesting people each week. I have friends in all the right places and  god, I am so grateful that some brilliant souls are looking out for me, should I fall. 

2) I'm starting to actually enjoy uni, and have bypassed the typical, pressurised stereotype of aiming for The Age's Spencer Street empire that is so often associated with a "prestigious" RMIT journalism degree. The course this year is so much more hands-on, more meaty than first year, and I am yet to feel the dread of  bullshit assignments and thousand word essays, and it's halfway through week nine.

3) I'm slowly but steadily discovering my niches and playing with the puzzle of talents I can flex - with credit to my role as producer of The James, Nath and Stacey Show on JOY94.9, my involvement with www.barsandnightclubs.com.au, along with interesting uni subjects and self indulgence of guilty pleasures, such as music, television and spending time with people who accept and understand me for me. 

I know I have a long way to go before I truly realise my potential in a career based in the media and performance industries, and while I am hungry to try everything and "do it all", I think I am okay with waiting it all out until the right time comes along. 

4) I have stopped feeling guilty for other people's insecurities and bubbling issues that I may be at fault for - life is too short to lose sleep over miscommunications, squabbles, dramatic nights and days out and regretful words or actions.

My eternal style is a little bit quirky, sometimes witty and occasionally sarcastic with a big serve of loyalty, positive attitude and genuineness. While I care deeply about the goodwill and attitudes of those around me, I have accepted that time is precious and needs to be preserved with a great deal of whole heartedness."

To wrap this cloud nine feeling up in one sentence:  I think this is the beginning of me finally feeling comfortable in my own skin. 

To be or not to be: A straight girl's Midsumma adventure in a gay world.

Just like every other student at the end of last year’s academic semester, I was brimming with excitement. I couldn’t wait to finally relax, hang out with my friends and really enjoy the upcoming silly season.

But four months of sweet summer lovin’ is quite a long time. So to ensure I didn’t become the squeaky wheel, I set out a goal to get some work experience under my belt.

Forward on several weeks of lazing in the sun, slaving the retail hours away (it wasn’t a complete break – let’s blame my landlord’s incessant monetary needs for that one!) and relishing in the act of sneaky, but oh-so-satisfying Facebook stalking, I found myself in the offices of the Adam Lowe Group, who coordinate Melbourne's Midsumma Festival.

I had landed a gig helping out the very lovely Marketing and PR Manager, James Findlay, in coordinating the festival’s radio program, along with the odd job of photocopying, compiling publicity statistics and photocopying those publicity statistics.

I was pretty nervous at the start. Not because of the workload, or the expectation I had on myself to make a “good impression”, but because I felt a little out of my comfort zone.

You see, Midsumma Festival is a festival for the GLBTIQ community. It’s a festival that celebrates visual and performing arts in queer Melbourne, and from mid January to early February, hundreds of venues across the city take part and host the wonderful works that are produced, performed and put on.

The day after my initial interview for the placement, I made the weekly catch-up phone call to my Grandma.

“So I had an interview for a work experience placement yesterday. It’s for the Midsumma Festival. I think it went well...”

“Did you tell them you were a lesbian? Because if you told them you were a lesbian...”

“NO GRANDMA! I did not say I was a lesbian! You can’t lie like that!”

“Why not? They won’t know!”

“Because Grandma, they will know! They’ll make a funny joke, or ask me a question and I probably won’t know what to say, and then my lie will be out! It’s one thing to lie on your resume, Grandma, but to lie about your sexuality in a volunteer job that is loosely based on the idea of sexuality – it’s just not ethical!”

I will admit the thought did cross my mind.

Having a couple of friends who are out, the overall idea certainly didn’t faze me, it excited me.  But I was nervous in the fact that little old me would be thrust (so to say) into the depths of gay culture.  Would I understand it? Would I get all the gay-themed jokes that were to thrown around the office as phone calls and emails were attended to? The possibility of not having a funny input into a perfectly adult conversation scared me.

But the more time I spent working on what would become my queer little baby – Tasting Midsumma Radio on JOY94.9FM – the more I felt at ease.

As producer of the 4 week, 2 hour program, it was my job to contact the artists and talent to secure the interviews, think of interesting questions to ask and to formulate a running schedule - basically, run around like a roasted chook with a bit of stressing on the side!

With the festival guide in hand, I felt this new responsibility to be not (that) scary, but rather liberating, exciting and full of fabulous opportunity! Along with James’ informative suggestions and assistance, I selected people who I thought would come across well to the broadcasted ear.

I had a general expectation that the visual artists would speak deeply and darkly, and the theatre performers, actors, actresses and comedians would have streaks of ‘flamboyant diva’ in their blood. But very quickly those expectations flew out the door. Over the four weeks, my world was enlightened and enriched with the occasion to meet some incredibly talented people, all who were very down-to-earth and most grateful for a shot to promote their work.

I also learnt some valuable lessons which have helped change my outlooks as a developing professional, a slaving student and as a true, festival loving Melburnian:

1. I learnt about community groups that I never knew existed – did you know there is a gay and lesbian running group, a dance group, a tennis club and queer life drawing classes? I certainly didn’t. 

2. I learnt the dress codes of gay men’s nightclubs, and where they go (Fitzroy’s Smith Street is a popular choice, as is Prahran’s Chapel Street, if you’re wondering) and what they sometimes do.

3. I learnt that you should always proof-read anything you write. After quickly smashing out the usual request-for-interview email, I accidently neglected to put the line “of Tasting Midsumma radio” in the opening sentence.  I also didn’t realise that this email I had just sent was going directly to the boss of the festival. So, instead of reading “My name is Lana Wilson and I am the producer of Tasting Midsumma radio for the Midsumma Festival...”  He read it as “I am the producer for the Midsumma Festival”.  Oops, a little too much responsibility for one interning-student!

4. I learnt that in radio, timing is king and Plan B is Queen. Suggesting all phone interviews be connected 5 minutes prior to the scheduled time was a good idea, as was having an ‘emergency contact’ list of numbers to call any late-comers.  With my running schedule broken down into 5 minute blocks, I had each arrival and telephone call marked to the minute. But when the Lord Mayor of Melbourne forgets to call the studio, and all you have is a personal assistant’s number, sometimes that crucial element of timing requires ‘Plan B’  to be exercised. (It should also be noted that ‘Plan B’ should also involve some form of stress management or calming factor.)

5. But most importantly, I learnt that everyone is the same.

My concerns early in the job were quickly banished as I watched and laughed at YouTube clips of English sketch show Little Britain with the other festival coordinators in the office. I embraced the opportunity to not only gain the much desired industry-relevant addition to my CV, but to gain it in an alternative and incredibly unique environment.

I found complacency in the fact that I too, could drool over the buff bodies of those fit model men in the gay magazines, and that for once I didn’t have to hide my secret love for Ke$ha, Rihanna and Lady GaGa. Possibly toying with the term of being a ‘fag-hag’ to the gay world as a whole, here - I realised its okay to be straight and be involved in such a vibrant, accepting and fun-loving society.

Latest ventures and projects - an apology.

Dear Troughs of colour in a land called 'Lana'...,

Hello old friend, how are you? I know it's been a while since we last spoke, but the summer break just gone has been one of epic proportions, adventurous ventures and exciting new projects that enabled me to gain a whole new outlook and a fresh leaf of industry experience.

I do apologise for abandoning you during these sunny summer months, but you see, the law of life presented several too-good-to-pass-up opportunities! 

October last year saw the beginnings of the foundations of a professional career in the media. I started reviewing and contributing to www.barsandnightclubs.com.au - a website dedicated to providing opinions, reviews and information on, you guessed it, bars, nightclubs and the odd pub or two, across Australia.

It's been incredibly exciting to see my work published, read and praised! The beauty of barsandnightclubs.com.au is not only the fact that I can write in any style, attitude or opinion, but for once I actually have a reason to go out, get loose on the town and down a few delicious and delectable drops, all in the name of work experience and career climbing!

I've also been kept very busy with Melbourne's annual Midsumma Festival. After craving some direction during the lengthy break, I went in search of internships and volunteer work in the local media. This led me to producing the festival's promotional radio show, Tasting Midsumma on JOY94.9FM, amongst other little bits and pieces at Midsumma office headquarters.
The experience was fantastic - I was very fortunate to meet some very talented, and very lovely people, and was exposed to a whole new direction, journalistically.
I have a piece coming up shortly about my experience there, so I won't bang on about it, but needless to say, I am very excited for 2011 and the avenues that I may potentially go down.

So please forgive my laziness, lack of motivation and busy-ness.

Love, Lana x

P.S - In the meantime, have a read and a listen of what summer '10/'11 consisted of:

Review for Rochester Castle Hotel

Review for Naked For Satan

Review for Rust Cocktail Lounge (Scroll down!)

Review for A Bar Called Barry

Voiceovers and Radio interviews for 2011 Midsumma Festival and JOY94.9FM

It's the race that "stops a nation", but has the glitz, glamour and girls gone too far?

November breathes an air of sophistication for Melbourne during Spring.
Flowers bloom, the sun shines brighter, and the grass grows greener.
The highly coveted AFL grand final kicks one last goal, The Royal Melbourne Show entertains school holidaying children and the Melbourne Fringe Fest performs for the lovers of all things art.

But before the Summer vibes hit the wet, wintery saturated streets, there is one event that turns heads, darts eyes and sends tongues rolling; The Melbourne Cup Carnival.

This year's cup carnival saw 150th anniversary celebration bring credence to the party-like atmosphere.
Grand Australian racing ladies and lords, such as Gai Waterhouse and Bart Cummings, once again went neck-to-neck with international racing heavyweights for the golden trophy.

But it seems in 2010, it's no longer about the thoroughbred fillies, but about the female fillies.
The money, time and effort spent on waxing, tanning, manicuring and beautifying oneself has hit an extreme.
Young women are spending hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars each racing carnival to look and feel their very best. Sure, we all listened to our mothers when they told us to comb our hair, brush our teeth and polish our shoes, but when the end result of this primping and preening is drunken embarrassment, is it really worth going to such lengths?

Maria Demi from Branched Out Beauty* certainly thinks so - "It's a few days of fun, where us ladies can glam up and splurge a bit. It's no longer just a leg wax and a spray tan - the demand is there for body scrubs, massages and facials...these are the occasions where clients don't have to feel guilty about spending a large amount of money on themselves to look and feel beautiful."

While most of the "ladies of Flemington" ooze east suburban wealth, in their tailored suits, Myer purchased hats and French perfumes, it is the daughters of these ladies that are bringing shame on what was once an elegant, annual Melbourne event.
While Jean Shrimpton caused outrage back in 1965 with her stockingless, hatless and hemline less outfit, it is clear, that if in attendance today, Ms. Shrimpton would be the one in sheer outrage at the very sight of these 'fillies' who flock to Flemington.

"Young women do tend to have that confidence to show more flesh than the more mature women...but we must remember that the younger generation are very open and carefree...they have little to no inhibitions, and if they do, they fix them with [beauty and cosmetic] treatments." Ms. Demi explains.

One look at the Flemington grounds after a big race will indicate that today's racewear culture is not about eluding that elegant, sophisticated sporty look, but about "looking hot" and eyeing up campaigning celebrities and buff football players. - Oh, and drinking as much champagne as humanly possible.

One female race attendee I spoke with, who preferred not to be named, admitted that "It's like clubbing, but with daylight."
"You want to look hot and have fun." she explained. "I begged my boss to give me the day off, so I could spend some time with my girlfriends and dress up. If you need me, I'll be vomiting in the rose bushes."

Another punter, known only as 'Dylan' agreed - "It's just a bit of fun, y'know? Have a beer and have a bet."

While the culture of the Melbourne Cup Carnival has evolved - rather colourfully - over the years, it is certain that those female fillies who once graced the social scene of the track now stumble, stutter and slut the sidelines in short China manufactred dresses and banal ity-bity feather fascinators.

Horrible to witness, irritaing to watch and utterly expensive, the Melbourne Spring Racing Carnival is nothing short of overrated.

* Indicates names have been changed

Summer Fun, Be Mine!

After another soul sucking semester, university has finally ended for 2010.

I now stand in front of a gleaming door, waiting to be destroyed with exhiliration and exhuberance.

The next four months has the potential to be filled with pure pleasure and carefree fun in the sun.

I am determined to make this season a summer to remember, with great focus and priority given to developing networks, froclicking in fulfilling hobbies and saving money for future travel ventures.

Time to wipe the slate clean and make some positive changes!

Let the adventures begin!