everything.

is happening.
The last month or so has been hella crazy! So much has been going on in every aspect of my life. So much kookiness has been coincidently present. It seems that if I see/hear/watch/think of something/someone then it kinda appears/happens.
And becasue of all of this, I havent been feeling like i do. I'm here, but I'm not.


It fustrates me, because I wish i could just blurt everything out, and then feel better about it all, and hope it will all magically go back to normal, but i know i can't/shan't/won't.
But then, what the fuck is normal these days? Since school finished, i thought is has been good. I thought I had everything all planned out for this year. 2009 is chill year. find myself year. make stuff happen year. achieve goals year. get the ball rolling year. try to be an honest, good person year. GOOD KARMA YEAR!
But no. Now that i look back on the last few months. All i have done is work, talk, spend money, make sacrifices for stuff i thought would be happening all while living in my little green bubble. Quite possibly today is reality check day for Lana.

(I feel horrible for this complaing/whinging/ranting outburst. I hate it when I read other blogs and the editor does nothing but seem negative. Sorry, self. For me, this is supposed to be an alternative to a diary, more so in the form of random ramblings and interesting facts of virtue and positivness.)